“Guess what I’m reviewing for Rant this month?  Phillip gets Prince, and I get PUFF DADDY!  There is no justice.”

“Puff Daddy?  Wes, you need to expand your vision, Puffy is FAT!  I luuuuuv Puff Daddy!”

I really don’t give a damn how cool you think Puffy is.  His music is the big-boy equivalent of grade school name-calling.  When I was seven, the measure of a child’s worth was how many Star Wars figures his parents has bought him, and Puffy’s adult standard isn’t much better.  Wasting half his CD is defensive aggression against his detractors, Puffy makes sure to point out that people who don’t care for him are poor, angry, and jealous he drives Bentleys.  “Not Mercedes….  BENTLEYS!  And that’s just the way the story goes!”  According to Puffy, the measure of a man is how sharp he dresses, how much he paid for his car, and how many hoes he has calling him on his cell phone.  But trying to appreciate Puff Daddy is an exercise in aesthetic as well as moral relativity.

Surrounded by talented voices, producers, and shredding good songs for every ounce of sampling potential leaves Puffy little room for musical failure.  His music seems almost flawless after all his scrutinizing and polishing.  Considering production value as an artistic expression might be appropriate, except that even the most experienced violinist doesn’t produce “ART” without spirit.  So while the final product looks good, sounds good, and exists on multiple levels, it contains as much inspiration and artistic value as a top notch oil painting by Ross, the “Happy Clouds” PBS art instructor.

So for the love of all that is beautiful, ignore this CD and its senseless exploitation of technology.  Write Busta Rhymes and express your disappointment that he let his voice be even remotely associated with this vat of pop swill.  Call your local church and make them explain how Puffy can claim to be inspired by God while simultaneously breaking the 1st, 2nd, 3rd, 7th, and 8th commandments, although he denies breaking the 6th.  Supporting this kind of tripe is counterproductive to the progress of man.  Besides, whether you want to or not, you’ll get to hear this thumping garbage at every major intersection for the next few months.