Wendy's grandmother passed away in the wee hours of the morning. We got the call and after some crying and random curses at the sky, we joined the other immediate family at breakfast. I mostly spent my time trying to be The Rock(TM), but I can't help but be comic relief at times of stress... and luckily, I'm marrying into a family that appreciates a good laugh. Nonny was a great lady... and would have wanted people to laugh. I've done this enough times to know when and where it's appropriate. Crying all the time does no good.

I watched the strangers filling up their plates at the buffet... I listened to the strangers at Shoney's telling their friends what the problems with the world were. I'm no morning person, so I found it amusing. I wondered if they realized how the night people complained about THEM... and how their perceptions of what life was all about were so chronologically bigotted. 7 am diners are a strange lot. I'm still not sure how that one guy fit all that food inside him.

After breakfast we came home for a nap. It was kindly interrupted by that ragtag group of travelling furniture salesmen I've seen running around town lately. 10 am and they think we're interested in shopping for living room couches out of a semi trailer. Wendy wasn't very nice. My first instinct is that it's stolen. My second is that it's worth way less than what they are charging. Does the fact that it SEEMS stolen make it seem like a better deal?

Once we were all awake and mobile, we went to the funeral home. It is always bizarre how loss affects people, and how personalities never seem to turn the way you expect when push comes to shove. One uncle seems so strong, while the strong one seems so weak. I'm partly an outsider, so I end up investing my time in a bit of people watching. I'm a dirty voyeur in a crowd that views me as one of their own. But I figure they've seen what I'm exploring before. I'm not really spying... I'm just getting early glimpses of my future family... a jump to the next track on my 8-track relationships.

I choose not to do a viewing. I'm the only one. Some of the family needs to close things off... to see that she's not there anymore. Some of them have something else driving them. I gently try to talk a few of them out of this barbaric stage of the process... "I have such fond memories of her... I don't want to cover that up with what I see now. The image I have in my head is when we were in the hospital visiting, and the orderly came in to check her heart monitor. Nonny didn't even know who was checking on her, but as the woman reached down to check the connections, Nonny reached up, eyes closed, and gently stroked her arm as the woman did her job." But no one listens. I overhear Uncle Jeff discussing his father's funeral, and how he never regretted not viewing his father's corpse. But something else is going on today, and he's got to walk in that room. I wonder what I'm missing when I'm the only one left... and laugh at how simple feelings can be.

After all the arrangements for her cremation are completed, we head back to her apartment. We again offer the grief-free zone that is our home, but we don't seem to be getting any takers. We can't help but believe that hanging around Nonny's apartment is just salt in wounds. So we bribe them. We had originally planned on going to dinner tonight at the Chef's Table. It is Wendy's Mom's birthday, after all. But this new situation kept everyone at home. I offer to make up for our lost meal by cooking. I offer steak, salad, and baked potatoes. Wendy smiles at me... on the same page, as always. I get them over with my trade... and I'm happy it works out.

I went to Costco, buy an entire beef tenderloin, and break it down into filets. I wrap them in bacon, sautee some mushrooms and onions, and grill out some burgers for the picky eaters. The extended family left after the funeral home, but this seems to be a good thing for the immediates. We celebrate Mama Dawson's birthday with fine food and a 1.5 of old vines zin. I make a fire in our new fire pit. I crack jokes... and everyone laughs and smiles. People wind down with smiles instead of tears. Both Wendy and I are happy about our work... happy that these wonderful, wonderful people get some respite.

The shower tomorrow has been cancelled for now. Things seem much less severe than they were this morning, but that could change. Nonny was beloved... cherished... and was honestly one of the kindest, gentlest, most supportive women I had ever met. Her family will miss her greatly... and I am part of that family.

Abby guards the yard against intruders...

And makes sure to get some camouflage beforehand....

Big steak dinner... those smiles honestly look more meloncholy than they really were...

What good is a birthday if you don't get a tiara and wand...

Benjamin helps his Nana with her candles....

"I've never gotten anything so beautiful for my birthday..."
"It will match your dress..."

Wine and fire... just cold enough to make you huddle around it... not cold enough to make you flee inside.

Later... alone with the fire... I hoped I did what I could for these wonderful people.
I promised Nonny I'd do my best to take care of them.