So after working her back to 10 on Thursday, I manage to hear my alarm for 9:30 and I figure I can have a few minutes of rest before throwing all my stuff together and getting in the damn car for that annoying 4 hour drive.... Well, as Dawn drives it, 3 hours...  Then I hear the footsteps on the porch.  Dawn is Early.

Grumble, Grumble... Shuffle, Shuffle... Take this?  Take these?  Paul told me to bring games.  Nah, no costumes.  No one wants to see that tired old Big Boy Costume again.  What the hell?  Why's that dirty... I haven't worn that in forever!  Crap... Damn... Hell... Shit...  "I HATE WAKING UP THIS EARLY!"

Luckily, Dawn is completely understanding that my one major anesthetic in life is the open road.  There is NOTHING that makes me sleep like being in a car.  So I remember waking up for brief moments and hearing stories of 45 minutes worth of traffic at a standstill... Later on, I poked my head up to discover we were in some other batch of heavy traffic about 30 miles outside of Atlanta.  What the hell makes so many people want to drive around at 3pm on a Thursday?!  And who was making sure there were so many good looking females behind the wheel?

Pulling into Atlanta, we were instantly impressed with our digs.  I have been to few conventions where the accommodations were half this nice, and our room, in particular, was one of the better ones.  Sadly, we were the first people there that we knew, so we spent a couple of hours just lounging around wishing hotels had better cable.  When the cavalry finally arrived, we grouped together and rode the short bus to dinner.  Rented and smelling like a track team, our van of fiends worked it's way to Kennesaw where my buddy Steve had recommended a greek/lebonese place.  Assholish sarcasm and witty mutual insults led way to concentrated abuse towards Steve as the trip-clock ticked up to 30 minutes.... But hey, he's a big boy... he can take it.

Dinner was divine.  I had never had Babaganouch before, and had pondered what it was ever since Party Girl came out.  I also got to try Taboulie, although I had to be stealthy and steal it of Teresa's plate when she wasn't looking.  The only problem with the place was that it was a family establishment, and we had gotten there 30 minutes before closing.  The owner was not quite prepared to deal with 12 people and their desire for multiple courses.  After being talked down to salads and wraps, we all placed our orders and the fun began.  When there were 4 different Kuftes on the menu, 6 different Gyros and a dozen other barely discernible variations on the theme, it got a bit weird.  Even though he wrote my order down, he got it wrong and argued with me when I tried to correct him.  He was the greek equivalent of the Soup Nazi.  So after I pissed off Carrie by attempting to clarify my order and then mumbling under my breath after I was denied that chance, I ended my meal wishing it ended after the stuffed grape leaves and houmos.

Late night Thursday plans included standing around the dealer's room drinking bad brew and taking the Con Purity Test.  I ended up shocking my comrades by scoring a 65 to their 25's and 35's.  They couldn't fathom that I had actually been a good boy at all these cons where they were all seeing how many sets of hotel sheets they could soil in one night.  Some of the questions scared me, and I'm sadly sure that almost everyone there had answered yes to at least one question or two that would have make me look at them like closet scatologiest.  Con people are twisted, and you should never date one.  Except me.

Dawn went to bed, so I ended up lounging in the hotel bar with a couple of the cam-girls that I buddied up to < Southern Belle and Lily >, and a massive entourage of others.... We drank coconut rum and laughed about everything from internet life to con life.  The Reverend kept me cackling so hard my drinks came out my nose... and we all got to learn what kind of "shee-it" they're into down in Texas.

*YAWN*  Off to Bed... We gotta go shopping tomorrow!

Brief Explanation:  Shopping for cool clothes in Huntsville, Alabama is like shopping for a prom dress at Walmart... if you DO happen to find something you like, everyone and their dog has already seen it.  So when I get a chance to go to Atlanta, I always make sure to take more money than I need and pick up some shiny and textury crap that will make all my female friends want to touch me at the club.  I have decent taste in throwaway novelties, but I admit a weakness for a second opinion.
 

Registration was the typical con hot-spot of friday afternoon, so Dawn and I headed down to meet and greet.  Running upon Belle and Lily, we managed to gain a couple of joiners for our trip to Little 5-Points, and as far as I was concerned, the more was merrier. And OH, am I not kidding!  Belle drove for us, and between her roundabout way of getting into Atlanta and all of our smartass comments along the way, it was like a bad episode of Absolutely Fabulous.  Belle managed to drive us east on I-285 for a couple of miles, before turning around and heading west.  Then we started heading south as the beltway curved around the city, and finally east before seeing the exit she was looking for.  Unfortunately, it was the STREET instead of the AVENUE, and we ended up lost in Atlanta and feeling the need to roll up our windows and lock our doors.  Keep in mind that the entire time Belle is making sweeping movements with her car across traffic and giggling to the people she's cut off with a sweet little Southern Belle wave.  There were times when my heart skipped a couple of beats, and yet there is no way to get even grumpy with Belle.  It's the damnedest thing I've ever seen.  Finally we pulled over at this seedy looking convenience store to get directions.  While Belle got very helpful directions from this skinny, cracked-out looking man in a baseball cap, two players walked by the passenger side and started smiling at Lily.  Lily has some rather ominous looking piercings, so one guy kept cocking his head to the side, then straightening it to look back at me for confirmation.  I nodded in confirmation, mouthed the words, "Yeah, she's fine," and watched as he got her attention with a thumb to his ear and a pinky to his lips.  Luckily, Belle was pulling away as Lily politely declined his soave and couth offer.

Little 5-Points is home to my favorite clothing stores in the world.  Between the consignment shops, the leather joints, and Junkman's Daughter, one can find a range of clothing to please a priest, a pimp, or a prostitute.  I was looking for particular things, but I got dazzled by all the stuff in Junkman's that was actually in my size!  Usually that place is full of crap, but the only good stuff left is either a small or an extra, extra, extra large.  I ended up drooling over this shiny, white panther print suit that I didn't have the 250 bucks to invest in, a pair of those platformed leather shoes with the flames burning over the toes, and a pair of spandexy grippy underwear with red broken hearts on black shiny material.  I didn't buy any of them.. but I drooled.  I DID end up buying my first pair of leather pants, a cool semi-latex charcoal shirt, and a nifty pinstriped bowlers shirt.  WAY too much money was spent, but I figure if I'm too poor to pay the rent, another 250 bucks won't hurt anything.

Poor people entertain Dawn Marie.

Lily shares a bonding moment with the natives.

LOOK AT ALL THIS STUFF WE BOUGHT!!!!

CONTINUED!!!
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